let's face it. i'm fat. i'm not freakishly huge and i'm still hot, but a fat, curvy hot. and i know how to rock it. but rocking it is exhausting when there's so much of it to rock. so because i'm exhausted (and because it's getting to be fall, and i find fall ridiculously motivating) i'm gonna get rid of some of it.
i've decided to give up my soda. but not completely (i have to say that b/c i haven't told myself that i'm officially getting rid of it). and i'm drinking more water. someone said that drinking ice cold water with lemon in it helps boost metabolism, and i don't know if that's true, but that's the way i like it anyway, so that is how i shall drink it.
also, i'm off all medication (antidepressants, birth control). when i was on both of them, they made me a mad woman that only had energy enough to lie in bed all day, and i hate that. when all you feel like doing is lying in bed all day, there's something wrong. i like being sane, but i don't want to be sane and in bed all the time. when i was on antidepressants and birth control, the bc canceled out the anti-d so i lay in bed all day b/c i didn't have energy and let my mind wander, which is not a good thing to do when you're CRAZY. so i was miserable thinking about how awful i was, and then had no energy to get up and do something that would take my mind off of how miserable i was. yeah... that just wasn't working for me...
OH! and the only antidepressant that works makes me gain weight like you wouldn't believe (i was on it for two weeks and gained 11 lbs, no change in diet or lifestyle. thank you, pristiq. i still have those lbs so i have even FURTHER to go to get to my ideal weight. you're awesome).
SO those are my reasons. i have a ticker (which is the real reason i'm even writing this blog post; i like it and want to post it here, but i figured i should give a reason that it randomly popped up). i'm on myfirnesspal.com so if you wanna get on there or are already on there, feel free to friend me (vlsewell)!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
in case you were wondering, this is NOT what every mother of miscarriage wants to find in her mail box two weeks before the predicted due date of her baby that died.
however, since pulling this out of the mail a little while ago, i haven't had a meltdown, i didn't burst into tears or freak out and throw it across the yard, and it's still on my counter and not in the trash can. it proves that i'm healing. it proves that i'm getting better and that Christ is proving His power by healing my broken heart. and that's something to be happy about. so i guess if i can be indifferent towards this, or only shed a few frustrated tears, or not feel like i need to hide under my covers and take two aleve for the headache that comes with too much crying, i can live with getting this in the mail. certainly not every day, but just this once.
thank you all so much for your prayers. God has heard your words and your heart, and He is working in and mending mine. i feel like i can hear Him again, and if you've gone for a long time feeling forgotten, you know that's a BIG deal. i know it's because you've been petitioning for me. you are such a blessing. i can't thank you enough. thank you thank you thank you, lol!
Monday, July 30, 2012
No more secrets.
it's time that people know this. i've gone around and around trying to decide if this is something i should tell people on fb for a long time. it's not something that people usually announce, but i need to put it out there. fb status boxes aren't long enough to post everything i want to say, so i'm writing it here and posting it on my profile. if you've read this blog you know all this. if you haven't, then here it is.
in february of 2011 i had a miscarriage. i was 6 weeks pregnant when it happened. it was all natural, there was no need for intervention, so it was easy to keep it a secret. ryan and i weren't trying to conceive a baby (we were trying to prevent a baby, actually), but nothing is 100% and we conceived. we only told my parents and a couple of my very close friends. since we weren't trying to conceive a baby, although any miscarriage would be emotionally challenging, it was a particularly difficult situation because i didn't understand God's reasoning behind an accidental (on our part) conception and almost immediate loss. i struggled with the loss for a year, and then i got pregnant again.
in february of this year, i lost a second baby, this time at 9 weeks. this was what is called a 'missed miscarriage' because there were no symptoms of loss. i went for my 11-12 week appointment and the baby had no heartbeat and had died about two weeks before i knew it. the day after i found out i had a d&c. ryan and i had told our parents and some of our friends. i have not emotionally recovered well from this second miscarriage. again, ryan and i were not trying to conceive a baby, and as with the first, conceiving unexpectedly only to lose a baby for the second time is... well, devastating. it might seem natural for a person to think that since we weren't trying to have a baby that it would be easy to get over it. let me assure you, it is not.
the reason i am posting this is because i need prayer. i have been working through this and trying to deal with it almost on my own, partially due to circumstances that cannot be helped, but mainly because i have kept these losses a secret. i can't do it on my own anymore. as much as i intercede to the Father, i feel alone. i struggle with not only loneliness, but anger, and depression. i'm not doing well. i need prayer. i can't pray alone anymore, so i'm asking you to pray for me. i am so weary...
please pray for me. pray for peace. pray for my emotional stability. i can't contend with the great deceiver anymore because he's winning. i need God's help, and i need your help getting access to it. i need a reprieve from all the questions and hurt i have inside me. i wish i was stronger than this, but i'm not, and it's high time to swallow my pride and ask for my brothers and sisters in Christ to come alongside me and lift me up.
please, will you do that for me? will you love me through this? will you lift me up and encourage me? will you help me through this trial?
-Vanessa
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Should I stay or should I go
so here's the rundown...
i was disrupted just now and can't remember what i was gonna write.
...
oh yeah.
well, scratch that. i got a phone call right as i remembered what i was gonna post about. it was from the minister of education at my church (EBC: Eastwood Baptist Church in bg, ky for anyone who doesn't know this info already), bro. ed.
let me start at the beginning.
two years ago was the first time i went on a mission trip with ebc and it was the first trip ed had gone on after he got his job at the church. we got to know each other pretty well on that trip so now we're big buddies. the second year i went (fall 2011) he was the leader for the group (first year was senior pastor bro. tom) so it was our second trip to asia together. when we got back, i had already decided that i wasn't going to go back again this year b/c 1) financial reasons, and 2) i just wasn't convinced i needed to go. that doesn't necessarily mean anything anyway b/c i've never been convinced i needed to go, but i went b/c i love missions. it's in my blood.
so a few weeks ago (after i had finally gotten him to quit asking me if i was sure) ed comes to me and tells me that he really misses me b/c i've been on all the asia trips with him and he wished he had me on the team for experience purposes and b/c we're buddies and have a rollickin' good time together, lol. i told him that i wished i was going to b/c i love the kids that we work with (they're only 4-5 years younger than me, ha) and i had been thinking about and missing them a lot lately. he said he needed one more person to round out the trip and said he had someone who was thinking about going but kind of riding the fence about it, so i said that if he did all the fund raising for me and he still needed someone else to go, i'd go. he said that he'd check around and see what all he could come up with.
so this phone call that i got from him today was to tell me that, so far, he had $1500 available to take another person which leaves a difference of $1000 for the person to pay (going to asia is exPENSIVE! now you know why i was so hesitant to go again this year. the first year i went the trip cost $2200 and last year was $2600 i think. yeah. not a cheap one). thinking about the conversation, i don't think he even asked if i wanted to go, it was just a foregone conclusion on his end that if the money comes up, i'm going. of course that's what i said to him a few weeks ago, so i can't really blame him for thinking that, lol! we talked flights out, flights back, dates and times, etc. we prayed about it and now it's a wait and see situation to find out if God wants me to go or not. honestly, i'm indifferent. i'll live either way, and while i'd be somewhat disappointed if i don't end up going, i don't think i'd be unbearable to live with during the time when the group was gone.
i was actually kind of surprised to hear from him and have him tell me that he had that much available b/c when i said i'd go, albeit serious, i didn't expect it to come to fruition. but knowing ed, this development doesn't surprise me. i know he's good for his word, i just forget when i'm shooting off at the mouth. when ed wants something and is determined, he can usually make it happen.
another thing, kind of random, is that i'm flattered that ed wants me to go. i don't know that he's searching for money just for me (i don't know one way or the other), but the fact that he's got this money that he may have stumbled into or worked hard to collect and i'm the person that he calls is kind of an honor. he must think i'm pretty decent at the work i do while i'm in asia and he must see something in me that leads him to think of me as a good candidate for this position on the team, and i really respect ed, so it makes me feel pretty good that he thinks somewhat highly of me :)
okay, well... that's that. if you're reading this, i appreciate your time, haha! and i'd sure appreciate some prayers for myself and ryan, and ed as well. pray for discernment. if God doesn't want me to go, then i don't want to go either. but if He does, then i do, too. i don't want to spend so much time dwelling on it that i lose sight of what He wants and run myself in circles in my mind trying to decide b/c it distracts me from Him and hearing His voice. (trust me, it's very frustrating being in my head sometimes.)
also, if you could just pray for my head. i've gone off my meds recently (like, 3 days ago). i was taking some medicine that was reacting in a quite unpleasant mental way with some other meds i was on, and then i switched meds and came off one rx, and that's when all heck broke loose. in my brain. i've also had some hard hits in regards to a friend giving birth recently, and that in combo with the medication debacle has not been pretty. i'm maybe coming out the other side of the hot mess that is my emotions, and i'm going to have to go back to my dr and rework some stuff, so prayers for that are so insanely appreciated.
okay. thanks for listening and thanks in advance for the prayers :)
i was disrupted just now and can't remember what i was gonna write.
...
oh yeah.
well, scratch that. i got a phone call right as i remembered what i was gonna post about. it was from the minister of education at my church (EBC: Eastwood Baptist Church in bg, ky for anyone who doesn't know this info already), bro. ed.
let me start at the beginning.
two years ago was the first time i went on a mission trip with ebc and it was the first trip ed had gone on after he got his job at the church. we got to know each other pretty well on that trip so now we're big buddies. the second year i went (fall 2011) he was the leader for the group (first year was senior pastor bro. tom) so it was our second trip to asia together. when we got back, i had already decided that i wasn't going to go back again this year b/c 1) financial reasons, and 2) i just wasn't convinced i needed to go. that doesn't necessarily mean anything anyway b/c i've never been convinced i needed to go, but i went b/c i love missions. it's in my blood.
so a few weeks ago (after i had finally gotten him to quit asking me if i was sure) ed comes to me and tells me that he really misses me b/c i've been on all the asia trips with him and he wished he had me on the team for experience purposes and b/c we're buddies and have a rollickin' good time together, lol. i told him that i wished i was going to b/c i love the kids that we work with (they're only 4-5 years younger than me, ha) and i had been thinking about and missing them a lot lately. he said he needed one more person to round out the trip and said he had someone who was thinking about going but kind of riding the fence about it, so i said that if he did all the fund raising for me and he still needed someone else to go, i'd go. he said that he'd check around and see what all he could come up with.
so this phone call that i got from him today was to tell me that, so far, he had $1500 available to take another person which leaves a difference of $1000 for the person to pay (going to asia is exPENSIVE! now you know why i was so hesitant to go again this year. the first year i went the trip cost $2200 and last year was $2600 i think. yeah. not a cheap one). thinking about the conversation, i don't think he even asked if i wanted to go, it was just a foregone conclusion on his end that if the money comes up, i'm going. of course that's what i said to him a few weeks ago, so i can't really blame him for thinking that, lol! we talked flights out, flights back, dates and times, etc. we prayed about it and now it's a wait and see situation to find out if God wants me to go or not. honestly, i'm indifferent. i'll live either way, and while i'd be somewhat disappointed if i don't end up going, i don't think i'd be unbearable to live with during the time when the group was gone.
i was actually kind of surprised to hear from him and have him tell me that he had that much available b/c when i said i'd go, albeit serious, i didn't expect it to come to fruition. but knowing ed, this development doesn't surprise me. i know he's good for his word, i just forget when i'm shooting off at the mouth. when ed wants something and is determined, he can usually make it happen.
another thing, kind of random, is that i'm flattered that ed wants me to go. i don't know that he's searching for money just for me (i don't know one way or the other), but the fact that he's got this money that he may have stumbled into or worked hard to collect and i'm the person that he calls is kind of an honor. he must think i'm pretty decent at the work i do while i'm in asia and he must see something in me that leads him to think of me as a good candidate for this position on the team, and i really respect ed, so it makes me feel pretty good that he thinks somewhat highly of me :)
okay, well... that's that. if you're reading this, i appreciate your time, haha! and i'd sure appreciate some prayers for myself and ryan, and ed as well. pray for discernment. if God doesn't want me to go, then i don't want to go either. but if He does, then i do, too. i don't want to spend so much time dwelling on it that i lose sight of what He wants and run myself in circles in my mind trying to decide b/c it distracts me from Him and hearing His voice. (trust me, it's very frustrating being in my head sometimes.)
also, if you could just pray for my head. i've gone off my meds recently (like, 3 days ago). i was taking some medicine that was reacting in a quite unpleasant mental way with some other meds i was on, and then i switched meds and came off one rx, and that's when all heck broke loose. in my brain. i've also had some hard hits in regards to a friend giving birth recently, and that in combo with the medication debacle has not been pretty. i'm maybe coming out the other side of the hot mess that is my emotions, and i'm going to have to go back to my dr and rework some stuff, so prayers for that are so insanely appreciated.
okay. thanks for listening and thanks in advance for the prayers :)
Saturday, July 21, 2012
can you relate?
a while back i went through a phase, along w/fb, where i did a ton of quizzes and surveys and whatnot. my favorite was '25 things about me you may or may not know.' i did two of them. and i'm about to do another one. because like i said before, i'm a narcissist.
here are the most recent. if you're interested in the first two lists, i'll include them at the bottom.
51. in my opinion, all the good shows get canceled. it's because they're too smart for the general public. arrested development, running wilde, my name is earl, and flight of the conchords. and community was almost canceled until geeks united and insisted nbc not be stupid and keep it on the air. to their credit, they listened.
52. i think reality shows are so stupid. it may be really happening, but the only difference then them and a sitcom is that their names haven't been changed and the ad libbing sucks.
53. i weigh 200 lbs and think i'm a sexy beast. so there!
54. i have three tattoos. my mother only knows about one. don't tell her about the other two.
55. i don't have cable. cable is stupid. i can find the shows i wanna watch on the internet and watch them WHEN i want to instead of waiting until it pops up on tv. and on netflix, no commercials.
56. i love pinterest. and what i love more about pinterest is when i make an original post and people 'like' or repin it. they love me! they really love me!!
57. i've been to asia twice, and i'd move there if the mission board had a position for our family. seriously.
58. i lost my wedding ring about a year ago. it was a five stone, half carat diamond band. i had a yard sale about two months ago and found it in a tote. if i could have, i would have driven around in a vehicle with a megaphone or PA system and made a public service announcement to anyone and everyone. the only person available to tell was my dad, and he couldn't have cared less.
59. we got this dog as a companion for me since i lost the baby. i love this dog. he's become one of my babies. i love that he loves me the most :)
60. i have to have a sheet and a quilt/blanket/comforter on me when i sleep. i don't care if i sweat a metric ton, that sheet and blanket are NOT coming off.
61. if it were physically possible, i'd love to live off of bloomin' onions from outback.
62. i have a super crazy dry sense of humor and think i'm about the most hilarious person on earth. my wit is at least in the top five, following will ferrell, john c reilly, and my pastor (oh, if you only knew).
63. i think people that can't laugh at themselves are the real narcissists. i heard a saying once that, 'you wouldn't be worried about what people were thinking of you if you knew how little time they spend actually thinking about you.' this makes me think of my sister in law. she can't function because of the fear of embarrassment. of course she could be like me and be deluded into thinking she's super hilarious.
64. i learned how to use my sewing machine. i've used it once but think about using it every day. but i don't want to have to sit at the table to use it. i keep trying to think of a way to use it while staying in my bed.
65. in my head, i'm a crazy awesome athlete. in reality, i'm like, 'exercise? how about we read a book?'
66. speaking of which, i'm nuts over stephen king's dark tower series. if you haven't read it, you must. my brother made fun of me because it started in the 70s and i was just now reading it.i reminded him that he was old enough to read it when it came out and that i hadn't even been conceived yet. we should do the math. yeah. check mate.
67. some of my favorite animated movies include: despicable me, tangled, cinderella, the emperor's new groove, ratatouille, and... that's it.
68. i love phineas and ferb. it may be for little kids, but it is hilarious!! thankfully it hasn't been canceled yet :-/
69. if you watch community, you'll understand this. the last couple of years have been my dark timeline. i'm hoping for a better next season.
70. our church has a satellite church. it's called plano campus. it's way smaller than our main campus and more contemporary. it's amazing, and God is amazing through it. but, secretly, i'm glad the people who came to the new campus are who they are, and some people didn't find their way out there.
71. i listened to a non-christian radio station on my mom's car radio for the first time in i don't know how long. once i found the two christian stations in town, they're usually my go-to stations. not that i wouldn't listen to pop culture music; it's just not that good anymore :-/
72. like main stream music, movies have kind of gone down the crapper, too. the last really good movie i saw was the help, and before that, i can't remember. seems like all the stories have been told and now they're scraping the bottom of the barrel. hollywood is the ultimate worst.
73. if i could live off of outback bloomin' onions but they weren't available, i'd ask for jiaozi (chinese dumplings). the fried kind.
74. i've been married for almost 8 years (august 7th). i love ryan more every year (can't say day. the fluctuation is too volatile, lol).
75. meredith starts kindergarten this year. thinking about it makes me want to have a panic attack and i don't know why. i hope she loves it and she gets the foundation to become a strong, independent, compassionate woman. and i hope i learn some new discipline techniques from her teacher. if she tells me, 'i'll do this but i'm not doing this' one more time, i'm gonna knock her block off.
*BONUS* I FINALLY GRADUATED COLLEGE!!!
list 1:
1. i've spent too long trying to get out of college, but if i pass my two classes this semester, i'll be finished!
2. i'm a history major and psych minor these days.
3. i HATE the birthday song. i hate it more when people sing it to me. what am i suppose to do during that time? just sit there and let people stare and sing to me? weird.
4. i've seen every episode of gilmore girls, and still watch the reruns :)
5. i don't eat mushrooms, olives, cucumbers, and i don't care if i'm from kentucky, i don't drink sweet tea. or unsweet tea, for that matter.
6. i hate uk. i'm a western fan. and on top of hating uk, i like duke!
7. i think that smelling something foul is nasty, but tasting it is worse. so even if something smells, i still breathe through my nose and deal with the smell, because if it smells that bad, i DEFINITELY don't want to taste it!
8. i don't like to step on cracks.
9. i don't count how many times i chew my food, but i make sure that each side of my mouth gets the same amount of chews. otherwise i feel 'off-balance.'
10. i have an irrational fear that if i take my children on a cruise, they will fall overboard. i honestly could have nightmares about it b/c it makes me so anxious. so no cruises for the family.
11. i love filling out pointless surveys!
12. i was engaged to someone else when ryan and i met (i'd expand, but i'm friends with that guy on facebook and don't want to be one of those girls that does ugly stuff like that).
13. i once punched ryan's roommate. in the face. and i'm not sorry b/c he deserved it. just ask ryan. and i'd do it again if i could, only i'd take better aim.
14. i use to work at lowes. and goody's, but lowes was better. or the one in somerset was.
15. i'm still afraid that some day something is going to reach out from under the bed and grab my leg when i get out of bed in the dark. or in the light for that matter.
16. i've had three babies, two without an epidural, but only one was on purpose. i didn't think i could have a baby without an epi until i did by accident.
17. i have helped build stairs, a wall frame, put tar paper on a roof and vinyl siding on the side of a church, and LOVED it!
18. i would love to visit russia.
19. if i could have cable with just the channels tlc, discovery, discovery health, travel channel, food network, abc family, hgtv, and fln, i'd sooooo sign up for it. these are the only channels i watch anyway.
20. i use to have a crush on jimmy fallon (well, more like an obsession).
21. i think the manning brothers are HILARIOUS, and could watch those oreo commercials all day long.
22. i wish the guy on the freecreditreport.com commercials had a cd b/c i wouldn't buy it, but i'd totally pirate it off a p2p sharing network.
23. i desperately want a treadmill, and not for clothes-hanging/coat rack purposes.
24. i love the iron chef america, but it wouldn't be the same if i hadn't seen iron chef japan. and i love the iron chefs on the american version, but they're just not as cool as the iron chefs of japan (well, morimoto is, but he's an original, so he doesn't count).
25. i hate professional sports. too much money, too little passion.
list 2
26. i want to go to greece too. i said russia in the last one, and left out greece. sorry!
27. i have about a hundred western tshirts. ryan doesn't let me go to the bookstore b/c every time i go, i leave with another western tshirt. case and point: i went to pick up my cap and gown last week and left with, you guessed it, a western tshirt. and i would have left with a wku cap, too, but couldn't find any.
28. i wish i could go to culinary school. i think that would be awesome!
29. i'm a cell phone junky. of course most of you know that, but admittance is the first step to recovery.
30. my favorite flower is the hibiscus. i like them so much i have them tattooed on my back. which leads me to #31.
31. i have a tattoo. just the one. i use to think i might like to have another, something a little more sentimental than the last (the last is sentimental, but not the kind of sentiment i would like, lol), but i figure the more i age, the less attractive it would be. so i'm refraining.
32. i love pizza. i could eat it every. single. day. but only sausage and pepperoni. it's my favorite.
33. two of my past college professors have been fired in the past two years for sexual harassment. i visited both professors in their offices for extended periods of time, and that really creeps me out, b/c i would never take one for the team with either of them for that final grade. ew.
34. i now am obsessed with james marsden and that guy from p.s. i love you (the husband that died). H.O.T.
35. i own the snl version of trivial pursuit. and i'm really bad at it, but i love it anyway.
36. i did NOT graduate after i wrote my last 25 random things note, as most of you know. but i also am no longer a history major and psych minor. i'm back to double major status and am walking the line on dec. 19th whether i pass my last two classes or not (and not to jinx it or be presumtuous, but i think i'm gonna pass this time, lol).
37. i have super huge hands and really long fingers. makes for mad piano skills, yo.
38. oh, also. i took piano lessons for 10 years growing up. first from my grumpy aunt, then from my youth director's wife, THEN from mrs. house. that crazy old bat. she studied at julliard, so she was a nut. but hilarious. she's always say, 'it's a quarter of 4' and i'd remind her that my math skills weren't very good and i didn't know what that meant. so she just started showing me her watch after that. and she use to hit my hands, and was jealous that my fingers were longer than hers. ah, i miss mrs. house...
39. i have an internet boyfriend, lol. well, it isn't official b/c he hasn't technically asked, but he says we never broke up in the first place so we still 'own' each other. i'm skeptical about it. and i'd tag him in this post, but his wife wouldn't like it, LOL!!!
40. before i go to a social function, i get this wave of antisocial-ness. when ryan and i are on our way to a function, i start saying, 'i don't want to go. i don't want to see any of these people. i don't feel like being over there. let's go for two minutes and leave.' and it continues for the first few minutes we're there. i mean i really don't like anyone. then i start talking and we're usually the last to leave. weird...
41. i play handbells, too! i love it. it's awesome. handbells are the coolest!
42. when i was in high school, i drove a red solara. i named her lola, b/c what lola wants, lola gets. the night i got her, i went outside and just sat in her for an hour. didn't turn her on or anything. it was february. now my dad drives her and i'm SOOOOOOOOOOO jealous. i loved that car...
43. my favorite smells are: fires/burning leaves, lowes lumber dept., chrome for men, anything Christmasy, like cinnamon, spice, etc. there are some others, but i can't think of them now. but i really love men's cologne, lol.
44. i love when people rant in their statuses in a really sarcastic way. they're my favorites.
45. i LOATHE when people drive down the wrong direction in the aisles in a parking lot. HELLO!? DO YOU NOT SEE WHICH WAY THE ARROWS ARE POINTING? oh, and also when people pull thru the parking spot that's across from the one their in. people know that's a potential accident, right? sheesh...
46. why is it that when people find out i'm getting a psych degree, they say, 'analyze me!' they know i'm not qualified for that, right? i mean, i can give them an 'analysis' but they might not like what i have to say, lol.
47. i dont' like when people touch me in any way that might be considered 'intimate' unless they are close personal friends or family. and even then, i dont' like some of them touching me. like, i can't get a massage. it freaks me out. and even when i get a pedicure, and the lady is rubbing my leg with lotion, i want to say (and have before), 'hey hey hey, don't you think you should buy me dinner first or something?'
48. i once said that last line of #47 to my obgyn.
49. i love my name. vanessa. i use to hate it, but now i think it's great. not many people have it, so i like that. and it's greek, so i like to pretend i'm leggy and have a dark complexion with really long, straight, dark hair. some of that is true, but i'm not as skinny as i fantisize, lol.
50. my facebook profile is set to stealth mode b/c i'm hiding from my inlaws. no one can request me as a friend on here anymore, so if you made it, congrats, lol!! sucks for you!!!
here are the most recent. if you're interested in the first two lists, i'll include them at the bottom.
51. in my opinion, all the good shows get canceled. it's because they're too smart for the general public. arrested development, running wilde, my name is earl, and flight of the conchords. and community was almost canceled until geeks united and insisted nbc not be stupid and keep it on the air. to their credit, they listened.
52. i think reality shows are so stupid. it may be really happening, but the only difference then them and a sitcom is that their names haven't been changed and the ad libbing sucks.
53. i weigh 200 lbs and think i'm a sexy beast. so there!
54. i have three tattoos. my mother only knows about one. don't tell her about the other two.
55. i don't have cable. cable is stupid. i can find the shows i wanna watch on the internet and watch them WHEN i want to instead of waiting until it pops up on tv. and on netflix, no commercials.
56. i love pinterest. and what i love more about pinterest is when i make an original post and people 'like' or repin it. they love me! they really love me!!
57. i've been to asia twice, and i'd move there if the mission board had a position for our family. seriously.
58. i lost my wedding ring about a year ago. it was a five stone, half carat diamond band. i had a yard sale about two months ago and found it in a tote. if i could have, i would have driven around in a vehicle with a megaphone or PA system and made a public service announcement to anyone and everyone. the only person available to tell was my dad, and he couldn't have cared less.
59. we got this dog as a companion for me since i lost the baby. i love this dog. he's become one of my babies. i love that he loves me the most :)
60. i have to have a sheet and a quilt/blanket/comforter on me when i sleep. i don't care if i sweat a metric ton, that sheet and blanket are NOT coming off.
61. if it were physically possible, i'd love to live off of bloomin' onions from outback.
62. i have a super crazy dry sense of humor and think i'm about the most hilarious person on earth. my wit is at least in the top five, following will ferrell, john c reilly, and my pastor (oh, if you only knew).
63. i think people that can't laugh at themselves are the real narcissists. i heard a saying once that, 'you wouldn't be worried about what people were thinking of you if you knew how little time they spend actually thinking about you.' this makes me think of my sister in law. she can't function because of the fear of embarrassment. of course she could be like me and be deluded into thinking she's super hilarious.
64. i learned how to use my sewing machine. i've used it once but think about using it every day. but i don't want to have to sit at the table to use it. i keep trying to think of a way to use it while staying in my bed.
65. in my head, i'm a crazy awesome athlete. in reality, i'm like, 'exercise? how about we read a book?'
66. speaking of which, i'm nuts over stephen king's dark tower series. if you haven't read it, you must. my brother made fun of me because it started in the 70s and i was just now reading it.i reminded him that he was old enough to read it when it came out and that i hadn't even been conceived yet. we should do the math. yeah. check mate.
67. some of my favorite animated movies include: despicable me, tangled, cinderella, the emperor's new groove, ratatouille, and... that's it.
68. i love phineas and ferb. it may be for little kids, but it is hilarious!! thankfully it hasn't been canceled yet :-/
69. if you watch community, you'll understand this. the last couple of years have been my dark timeline. i'm hoping for a better next season.
70. our church has a satellite church. it's called plano campus. it's way smaller than our main campus and more contemporary. it's amazing, and God is amazing through it. but, secretly, i'm glad the people who came to the new campus are who they are, and some people didn't find their way out there.
71. i listened to a non-christian radio station on my mom's car radio for the first time in i don't know how long. once i found the two christian stations in town, they're usually my go-to stations. not that i wouldn't listen to pop culture music; it's just not that good anymore :-/
72. like main stream music, movies have kind of gone down the crapper, too. the last really good movie i saw was the help, and before that, i can't remember. seems like all the stories have been told and now they're scraping the bottom of the barrel. hollywood is the ultimate worst.
73. if i could live off of outback bloomin' onions but they weren't available, i'd ask for jiaozi (chinese dumplings). the fried kind.
74. i've been married for almost 8 years (august 7th). i love ryan more every year (can't say day. the fluctuation is too volatile, lol).
75. meredith starts kindergarten this year. thinking about it makes me want to have a panic attack and i don't know why. i hope she loves it and she gets the foundation to become a strong, independent, compassionate woman. and i hope i learn some new discipline techniques from her teacher. if she tells me, 'i'll do this but i'm not doing this' one more time, i'm gonna knock her block off.
*BONUS* I FINALLY GRADUATED COLLEGE!!!
list 1:
1. i've spent too long trying to get out of college, but if i pass my two classes this semester, i'll be finished!
2. i'm a history major and psych minor these days.
3. i HATE the birthday song. i hate it more when people sing it to me. what am i suppose to do during that time? just sit there and let people stare and sing to me? weird.
4. i've seen every episode of gilmore girls, and still watch the reruns :)
5. i don't eat mushrooms, olives, cucumbers, and i don't care if i'm from kentucky, i don't drink sweet tea. or unsweet tea, for that matter.
6. i hate uk. i'm a western fan. and on top of hating uk, i like duke!
7. i think that smelling something foul is nasty, but tasting it is worse. so even if something smells, i still breathe through my nose and deal with the smell, because if it smells that bad, i DEFINITELY don't want to taste it!
8. i don't like to step on cracks.
9. i don't count how many times i chew my food, but i make sure that each side of my mouth gets the same amount of chews. otherwise i feel 'off-balance.'
10. i have an irrational fear that if i take my children on a cruise, they will fall overboard. i honestly could have nightmares about it b/c it makes me so anxious. so no cruises for the family.
11. i love filling out pointless surveys!
12. i was engaged to someone else when ryan and i met (i'd expand, but i'm friends with that guy on facebook and don't want to be one of those girls that does ugly stuff like that).
13. i once punched ryan's roommate. in the face. and i'm not sorry b/c he deserved it. just ask ryan. and i'd do it again if i could, only i'd take better aim.
14. i use to work at lowes. and goody's, but lowes was better. or the one in somerset was.
15. i'm still afraid that some day something is going to reach out from under the bed and grab my leg when i get out of bed in the dark. or in the light for that matter.
16. i've had three babies, two without an epidural, but only one was on purpose. i didn't think i could have a baby without an epi until i did by accident.
17. i have helped build stairs, a wall frame, put tar paper on a roof and vinyl siding on the side of a church, and LOVED it!
18. i would love to visit russia.
19. if i could have cable with just the channels tlc, discovery, discovery health, travel channel, food network, abc family, hgtv, and fln, i'd sooooo sign up for it. these are the only channels i watch anyway.
20. i use to have a crush on jimmy fallon (well, more like an obsession).
21. i think the manning brothers are HILARIOUS, and could watch those oreo commercials all day long.
22. i wish the guy on the freecreditreport.com commercials had a cd b/c i wouldn't buy it, but i'd totally pirate it off a p2p sharing network.
23. i desperately want a treadmill, and not for clothes-hanging/coat rack purposes.
24. i love the iron chef america, but it wouldn't be the same if i hadn't seen iron chef japan. and i love the iron chefs on the american version, but they're just not as cool as the iron chefs of japan (well, morimoto is, but he's an original, so he doesn't count).
25. i hate professional sports. too much money, too little passion.
list 2
26. i want to go to greece too. i said russia in the last one, and left out greece. sorry!
27. i have about a hundred western tshirts. ryan doesn't let me go to the bookstore b/c every time i go, i leave with another western tshirt. case and point: i went to pick up my cap and gown last week and left with, you guessed it, a western tshirt. and i would have left with a wku cap, too, but couldn't find any.
28. i wish i could go to culinary school. i think that would be awesome!
29. i'm a cell phone junky. of course most of you know that, but admittance is the first step to recovery.
30. my favorite flower is the hibiscus. i like them so much i have them tattooed on my back. which leads me to #31.
31. i have a tattoo. just the one. i use to think i might like to have another, something a little more sentimental than the last (the last is sentimental, but not the kind of sentiment i would like, lol), but i figure the more i age, the less attractive it would be. so i'm refraining.
32. i love pizza. i could eat it every. single. day. but only sausage and pepperoni. it's my favorite.
33. two of my past college professors have been fired in the past two years for sexual harassment. i visited both professors in their offices for extended periods of time, and that really creeps me out, b/c i would never take one for the team with either of them for that final grade. ew.
34. i now am obsessed with james marsden and that guy from p.s. i love you (the husband that died). H.O.T.
35. i own the snl version of trivial pursuit. and i'm really bad at it, but i love it anyway.
36. i did NOT graduate after i wrote my last 25 random things note, as most of you know. but i also am no longer a history major and psych minor. i'm back to double major status and am walking the line on dec. 19th whether i pass my last two classes or not (and not to jinx it or be presumtuous, but i think i'm gonna pass this time, lol).
37. i have super huge hands and really long fingers. makes for mad piano skills, yo.
38. oh, also. i took piano lessons for 10 years growing up. first from my grumpy aunt, then from my youth director's wife, THEN from mrs. house. that crazy old bat. she studied at julliard, so she was a nut. but hilarious. she's always say, 'it's a quarter of 4' and i'd remind her that my math skills weren't very good and i didn't know what that meant. so she just started showing me her watch after that. and she use to hit my hands, and was jealous that my fingers were longer than hers. ah, i miss mrs. house...
39. i have an internet boyfriend, lol. well, it isn't official b/c he hasn't technically asked, but he says we never broke up in the first place so we still 'own' each other. i'm skeptical about it. and i'd tag him in this post, but his wife wouldn't like it, LOL!!!
40. before i go to a social function, i get this wave of antisocial-ness. when ryan and i are on our way to a function, i start saying, 'i don't want to go. i don't want to see any of these people. i don't feel like being over there. let's go for two minutes and leave.' and it continues for the first few minutes we're there. i mean i really don't like anyone. then i start talking and we're usually the last to leave. weird...
41. i play handbells, too! i love it. it's awesome. handbells are the coolest!
42. when i was in high school, i drove a red solara. i named her lola, b/c what lola wants, lola gets. the night i got her, i went outside and just sat in her for an hour. didn't turn her on or anything. it was february. now my dad drives her and i'm SOOOOOOOOOOO jealous. i loved that car...
43. my favorite smells are: fires/burning leaves, lowes lumber dept., chrome for men, anything Christmasy, like cinnamon, spice, etc. there are some others, but i can't think of them now. but i really love men's cologne, lol.
44. i love when people rant in their statuses in a really sarcastic way. they're my favorites.
45. i LOATHE when people drive down the wrong direction in the aisles in a parking lot. HELLO!? DO YOU NOT SEE WHICH WAY THE ARROWS ARE POINTING? oh, and also when people pull thru the parking spot that's across from the one their in. people know that's a potential accident, right? sheesh...
46. why is it that when people find out i'm getting a psych degree, they say, 'analyze me!' they know i'm not qualified for that, right? i mean, i can give them an 'analysis' but they might not like what i have to say, lol.
47. i dont' like when people touch me in any way that might be considered 'intimate' unless they are close personal friends or family. and even then, i dont' like some of them touching me. like, i can't get a massage. it freaks me out. and even when i get a pedicure, and the lady is rubbing my leg with lotion, i want to say (and have before), 'hey hey hey, don't you think you should buy me dinner first or something?'
48. i once said that last line of #47 to my obgyn.
49. i love my name. vanessa. i use to hate it, but now i think it's great. not many people have it, so i like that. and it's greek, so i like to pretend i'm leggy and have a dark complexion with really long, straight, dark hair. some of that is true, but i'm not as skinny as i fantisize, lol.
50. my facebook profile is set to stealth mode b/c i'm hiding from my inlaws. no one can request me as a friend on here anymore, so if you made it, congrats, lol!! sucks for you!!!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Beautiful Feet
Got a new tattoo yesterday. I already love it :) These aren't great pictures, so I'll see if I can't work on that. It says 'Beautiful Feet' in Chinese. It's from Romans 10:14-15, and I chose Chinese because of the time I've spent there. If I do any 'M' work in other countries besides China I intend to get the same thing in that language, hence the reason for the size and location. Please excuse all my freckles, lol. I've been in the sun some lately.
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