so let me give you the skinny on what's gonna get you through labor and delivery, because while a lot of things might HELP (focused breathing, leg exercised, sitting on big rubber balls, etc.), once you get in the trenches, it's every woman for herself.
1) Be flexible.
Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. you're either going to squeeze out a screaming, squirming, bloody person or one is gonna be pulled out of you. if all goes perfectly, that's what's gonna happen. the main point is: the end justifies the means. this delivery isn't about you and your perfect, flawless, experience, this delivery is about getting that baby out of your body in the safest way possible so that everyone SURVIVES. giving birth is a serious thing and should be observed as such. so if things don't go the way you imagined they would and you end up with a c-section instead of the unmedicated birth you wanted, it's OKAY. you aren't there for yourself, you are there for your child. this is your first test of motherhood. it is a sacrifice of your wants and desires for the needs of your child that you are responsible for. motherhood is scary, so there's no shame in being freaked by having your baby cut out of you, or being induced because said child refuses to exit on his own and your placenta is deteriorating so he HAS to come out before age 16. if everything goes your way in the delivery room, GREAT! i really am glad for you! but if it doesn't, suck it up and do what you have to do to get that baby in the world as safe and sound as possible. i promise, if you go in with a birth plan and an entire mental reel of how it's going to go down, you will be miserable WHEN, no if, WHEN something doesn't go according to the way you imagined it, and there's very little time to regroup when you're in a crunch position. when i had my second baby, i didn't get the epidural that i had PLANNED on getting and had to deliver without one. i NEVER IN MY LIFE thought i'd give birth without an epi and i never WANTED to either! but when that baby decided she was coming out, she did! there was no stopping her, and when it was over it didn't matter what i had planned because she was there screaming as loud as i had been when she was climbing out of my vagina. and nothing but her mattered anymore.
best case scenario: you know all your options and mentally prepare for each in the event that that option happens.
2) Be fearless!
Giving birth is a dirty business. chances are that whatever happens during delivery isn't the first time it's happened to your dr and DEFINITELY not your nuse(s). after my second delivery my dr pushed down on my belly and i peed all over his arm. i apologized and said that i had told the nurses i had to pee, and he of course said that was fine b/c it wasn't the first time it had happened. then, as i was pushing out my third child, i felt what was going on (i didn't have an epi) and yelled at my husband, 'RYAN DON'T LOOK I'M GONNA POOP!' and then i did. a lot. because we had had mexican the night before. and if you think you have it tough pooping in front of people, imagine being the person in whose face you're pooping and having to wipe it off! lol, yeah, they signed up for it, but so did you by getting pregnant! i'm not saying this to be mean: GET OVER YOURSELF! i promise you it will be so much easier if you throw inhibition to the wind and let 'er rip (i mean that on so many levels). and speaking of ripping: if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. your nurses and dr will do what they can to keep it from being bad, but it is what it is. and yeah, giving birth is gonna hurt. like CRAZY. the only way it's gonna stop hurting is by getting it over with, so don't hold back. grab the handles on the bed or your husband's hand, bite down on something, pull someone's hair, whatever, but do what you have to do to get that baby out! THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS! and believe me, sometimes that's the only thing holding your sanity together.
like i said before, my second baby was born without the aid of an epidural (against my plans and wishes). i never thought i was a screamer. a joker, yes; a screamer, no. but when my husband walked outside to call my mom and tell her that the baby would be born in the middle of the night rather than the next morning as predicted he mentioned that he had to step outside of the delivery room so he could hear to talk because i was yelling so loud. my mother said, 'Vanessa?' THAT'S how unlikely i was to yell. i didn't WANT to yell b/c it's so sitcom-y and cliche, but when pain that you hadn't prepared for mentally hits you, all embarrassment, fear, inhibition, dignity, all of it gets blows out the door by your desperate breaths to hold on to sanity. let your husband stand in the corner with his hands on his head and be freaked out like mine was. you OWN that birth and you GET. IT. DONE.
3) Be funny!
The saying goes that laughter is the best medicine. as someone who watched saturday night live through her first delivery, i can vouch for that. things are gonna get awkward when your bed lifts you to the ceiling and spotlights are shined directly at your goods (that includes c-sections). you need to have a joke in your back pocket. it breaks the tension and anxiety and helps everyone (i.e. YOU) relax. if you can't relax then nothing can move anywhere and you prolong the agony of birth-giving. and who really enjoys being in super serious situations anyway? they freak me out for sure, and it's hard to be fearless and scary being flexible when there is too much tension and anxiety hanging in the air. so have fun!! yeah, when things need to be serious, they're gonna get serious and you can't laugh while you're holding your breath or being cut on. but in the meantime, remember. you're HAVING A BABY! it's the miracle of birth in any form, but remember that it is a miracle that you've made it this far. you had to release an egg in a tiny window of time, sometimes with assistance, and a single sperm had to have enough sense to do it's job and fertilize the egg, not to mention that these had to be tip top specimens! then the cells had to divide and find a place to latch on, then HANG on and survive, create life, a body, organs, tissues, grow and mature... as someone who has lost two babies, it's important to know that this child you conceived could have died in there, but he MADE IT. he defied odds and came out ALIVE! when you understand the seriousness of the situation, you can appreciate the opportunity you've been given to deliver this baby, and enjoy the process of getting that baby into the world. so enjoy yourself. you won't remember the pain afterwards anyway *wink*
You see these three? They were in me. They are my heart beat, my breath, my loves <3 p="p">
