when i think about it, my last post now seems ironic. today i had an ultrasound for my 11 weeks visit. unfortunately this little one in me was found without a heartbeat and measuring only approx. 8 1/2 weeks. tomorrow i will go to the medical center here in bowling green and have a d & c. like i said in my last post, i've been asking God to prepare me for the future regarding this baby, good or bad. while i don't feel like i've been blind-sided by this outcome, i have a lot of questions for God. i'm struggling to keep from being angry at Him, so if you could say a prayer tonight that i will be able to hold up my end of our relationship, i sure would appreciate it. God is in control. God is in control. i have to wonder what He's trying to teach me when the lesson hurts so bad. and i wonder what did i miss the last time that He feels like He needs to teach it to me again. i know it's human nature to wonder what i did and how i could have changed it when i'm not the one in control of the situation, but my humanness is having a hard time combating the question, what did i do wrong to make this happen again? while i may not have done anything physical to make my baby's heart stop beating, what did i do wrong as a person to cause God to take another baby away from me? deep down, i know it's not what i did or who i am that caused this, but i wish my humanness could understand.