for those that know me pretty well (or at least go to church with me), you know that for the past two years i've made the unreasonably long flight to asia to teach english as a second language to university students. if you know me even better, you know that i've done quite a bit of traveling in the u.s. (and some outside of it) doing some mission work. when i was a kid, my dad was apart of a group called macedonian mission builders run by leon jasper (uncle leon to jessica and roger, lol) who is an incredibly awesome and amazing man. he put together a sort of company that would travel both nationally and internationally to help build churches for missions. it helped save on the members' costs since they only paid for supplies and not labor, and it was a blessing for those who were able to put their carpentry skills to divine use. before i graduated high school, i had built stairs, put up wall frames, laid tar paper on a roof, put vinyl siding up, mixed cement, laid brick, and left my signature on the studs of more than one church, not to mention time i spent passing out meals, snacks, and drinks to those working in (what i tend to remember being the usual condition) the heat of summer from colorado, all the way to the rainy season of belize. when i think about the places i've been and, more importantly, the people i encountered and worked along-side, i shake my head to realize how blessed i've been.

if you didn't know this already, when i was in college, my parents decided that God was calling them to move to belize, so they did. in august of 2003, during my second year of college, my parents moved me into a one bedroom apartment and, two weeks later, left the country. i've always been the kid in the family to perpetuate the typical third child personality of being laid back and carefree, so for me, this was fine. like any baby of the family, i had my moments, but for the most part i figured if God was telling my parents to do something, who was i to contest? so i went with it and that worked for me.

since my parents returned about 2 1/2 years after their move out of the country, i've had the opportunity to do some traveling of my own in the mission field. if my parents hadn't moved back to bowling green where we live instead of somerset where i grew up, i don't think i would have been able to do this traveling because they've helped out with the kids so much. all this has been God's way to provide me a catalyst for mission work.

today, the minister on staff at eastwood approached me yet again about the mission trip to asia this year. both years that i have gone to asia, i have traveled with brother ed in the group, and he and i have a special relationship because of it (and because of our sense of humor and love for all things WKU, lol). since i got back last year, i've told ed that this year's trip wasn't going to be a possibility. the cost of the trip averages about $2400, and with ryan's job being crappy lately and all that jazz, money is tight. as a matter-of-fact, i'm still paying off last year's trip. ed knows that this is the reason i've said no to this year's trip, and he understands. he mentioned today that he was really missing me as a part of the team this year and wished i was able to go. i just looked at him with one of those looks that he knows, the look of longing and disappointment. he knows that if money was no obstacle that i'd be in asia in a heartbeat. i told him if he could find the funds within the church for me to go (sponsorship, etc.), i'll be on the flight. he said he may take me up on the offer, and in my heart, i hope he does and God works everything out so i get a call one day saying, 'hey, i've got the money. you wanna go?'

i find it ironic that he said this to me today because just a few days ago i was thinking about my 'foreign friends' and wishing i could see them this fall. i even made a remark to ryan about scrounging up enough couch change to go this year, even though we both know it's not a financial possibility. i miss my friends. if you've never traveled out of the country, especially to places with people that are far less blessed than we are as citizens of the u.s.a. (which is pretty much everywhere), you just don't understand. and that's okay if you don't. i know not everyone has been as privileged and blessed as i have to be able to do international traveling, and i do not take this for granted. it has all been a God thing that i would never have been able to accomplish on my own and i am grateful always to the gifts that God has given me in the opportunity to travel to these far away places to see and love these foreign faces. but these people are humble people, who are far more grateful for things that i DO take for granted, and i wish with my heart that i could give them everything they could ever desire. their love for family, their acceptance and love for me... i can't describe it.

there is a group inside the group, divided by ethnicity. when people mention racism in the united states, i literally want to punch them in the face. the group inside the group that i have encountered go to college to be told by their professors that they are stupid, worthless, and will never amount to anything. this is the literal translation of what they are told. imagine if someone said that to kids in schools in the u.s. the professor would be sued, fired, and ostracized from society! in asia, it's commonplace, and even the students have begun to believe it. when i go to this university, i am given the opportunity to tell these children that i love them, i love them, they are special, beautiful, wanted, worthwhile, and more. and as a person that doesn't say those 'three little words' lightly, by the end of my time with these children, i say it, and i know i mean it. being able to tell someone that i love them, knowing that i truly do, that it comes from the depths of my heart, is so freeing that i would travel the world just to tell them over and over. then to be able to tell them of the infinite, powerful, sacrificial, unending, unconditional love of God... you have to experience it to understand.

on top of that, i get the chance to show the professors how to value these children. now i have no irrational expectation that i will reverse this racism in the few days that i'm in asia, but i do have the opportunity to chip away at it just a little. these professors look at me and listen to what i have to say because, of all things, i'm an American! talk about a power trip! and i take it seriously. they want to know what i know about teaching college students. hello!! i was just a college student myself a few years ago; i don't know anything, lol! why on earth would they think i had a clue as to what i'm doing? it's because i'm an american. and they watch me. and since i know they're watching me, and i'm loving on their students with words and actions, maybe they can see the change in their students' faces and be a little kinder, a little softer, and a little more loving and open to those children. i once asked a boy what happened if he was caught sleeping in class. he said the prof. might hit him over the head (this wasn't the discriminated group). i was shocked, to say the least, but i'm so honored that this young man knew that i was going to love on him and not lay a hand on him in anger or chastisement. the trust from the students is overwhelming, and a responsibility that i do NOT take lightly.

today, i wondered if my family was being called to the mission field. i wondered if i could get rid of all my earthy possessions and follow Him wherever He led. i want to say yes, but of course i'm human, so realistically it would be a struggle. further, i'd have to lay down my dreams, and with my past in regards to having another baby, which is something i'm struggling over (should we? shouldn't we? is this the reason God hasn't given us these last two babies? is He preparing us to leave?) but i know what i'd be missing, so if God tells me to go, i hope to be confident enough in Him and in past experience to boldly and happily say, 'yes, Lord, i'll go.'