so here's the rundown...
i was disrupted just now and can't remember what i was gonna write.
...
oh yeah.
well, scratch that. i got a phone call right as i remembered what i was gonna post about. it was from the minister of education at my church (EBC: Eastwood Baptist Church in bg, ky for anyone who doesn't know this info already), bro. ed.
let me start at the beginning.
two years ago was the first time i went on a mission trip with ebc and it was the first trip ed had gone on after he got his job at the church. we got to know each other pretty well on that trip so now we're big buddies. the second year i went (fall 2011) he was the leader for the group (first year was senior pastor bro. tom) so it was our second trip to asia together. when we got back, i had already decided that i wasn't going to go back again this year b/c 1) financial reasons, and 2) i just wasn't convinced i needed to go. that doesn't necessarily mean anything anyway b/c i've never been convinced i needed to go, but i went b/c i love missions. it's in my blood.
so a few weeks ago (after i had finally gotten him to quit asking me if i was sure) ed comes to me and tells me that he really misses me b/c i've been on all the asia trips with him and he wished he had me on the team for experience purposes and b/c we're buddies and have a rollickin' good time together, lol. i told him that i wished i was going to b/c i love the kids that we work with (they're only 4-5 years younger than me, ha) and i had been thinking about and missing them a lot lately. he said he needed one more person to round out the trip and said he had someone who was thinking about going but kind of riding the fence about it, so i said that if he did all the fund raising for me and he still needed someone else to go, i'd go. he said that he'd check around and see what all he could come up with.
so this phone call that i got from him today was to tell me that, so far, he had $1500 available to take another person which leaves a difference of $1000 for the person to pay (going to asia is exPENSIVE! now you know why i was so hesitant to go again this year. the first year i went the trip cost $2200 and last year was $2600 i think. yeah. not a cheap one). thinking about the conversation, i don't think he even asked if i wanted to go, it was just a foregone conclusion on his end that if the money comes up, i'm going. of course that's what i said to him a few weeks ago, so i can't really blame him for thinking that, lol! we talked flights out, flights back, dates and times, etc. we prayed about it and now it's a wait and see situation to find out if God wants me to go or not. honestly, i'm indifferent. i'll live either way, and while i'd be somewhat disappointed if i don't end up going, i don't think i'd be unbearable to live with during the time when the group was gone.
i was actually kind of surprised to hear from him and have him tell me that he had that much available b/c when i said i'd go, albeit serious, i didn't expect it to come to fruition. but knowing ed, this development doesn't surprise me. i know he's good for his word, i just forget when i'm shooting off at the mouth. when ed wants something and is determined, he can usually make it happen.
another thing, kind of random, is that i'm flattered that ed wants me to go. i don't know that he's searching for money just for me (i don't know one way or the other), but the fact that he's got this money that he may have stumbled into or worked hard to collect and i'm the person that he calls is kind of an honor. he must think i'm pretty decent at the work i do while i'm in asia and he must see something in me that leads him to think of me as a good candidate for this position on the team, and i really respect ed, so it makes me feel pretty good that he thinks somewhat highly of me :)
okay, well... that's that. if you're reading this, i appreciate your time, haha! and i'd sure appreciate some prayers for myself and ryan, and ed as well. pray for discernment. if God doesn't want me to go, then i don't want to go either. but if He does, then i do, too. i don't want to spend so much time dwelling on it that i lose sight of what He wants and run myself in circles in my mind trying to decide b/c it distracts me from Him and hearing His voice. (trust me, it's very frustrating being in my head sometimes.)
also, if you could just pray for my head. i've gone off my meds recently (like, 3 days ago). i was taking some medicine that was reacting in a quite unpleasant mental way with some other meds i was on, and then i switched meds and came off one rx, and that's when all heck broke loose. in my brain. i've also had some hard hits in regards to a friend giving birth recently, and that in combo with the medication debacle has not been pretty. i'm maybe coming out the other side of the hot mess that is my emotions, and i'm going to have to go back to my dr and rework some stuff, so prayers for that are so insanely appreciated.
okay. thanks for listening and thanks in advance for the prayers :)
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